Rules of Acquisition
 
The 285 Ferengi
RULES OF ACQUISITION

Written by Grand Nagus Gint


#1 "Once you have their money, you never give it back."

-- "THE NAGUS"

#3 "Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to."

-- "THE MAQUIS, PART II"

#6 "Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity."

-- "THE NAGUS"

#6 "Never allow family to stand in the way of profit."

-- "ACQUISITION"

#7 "Keep your ears open."

-- "IN THE HANDS OF THE PROPHETS" & "THE SEIGE OF AR-558"

#9 "Opportunity plus instinct equals profit."

-- "THE STORYTELLER"

#10 "Greed is eternal."

-- "PROPHET MOTIVE" & "FALSE PROFITS"

#16 "A deal is a deal."

-- "MELORA"

#17 "A contract is a contract is a contract (but only between Ferengi)."

-- "BODY PARTS"

#18 "A Ferengi without profit is no Ferengi at all."

-- "HEART OF STONE" & "FERENGI LOVE SONGS"

#21 "Never place friendship above profit."

-- "RULES OF AQUISITION"

#22 "A wise man can hear profit in the wind."

-- "RULES OF AQUISITION" & "FALSE PROFITS"

#23 "Nothing is more important than your health ... except for your money."

-- "ACQUISITION"

#31 "Never make fun of a Ferengi's mother."

-- "THE SIEGE"

#33 "It never hurts to suck up to the boss."

-- "RULES OF AQUISITION"

#34 "War is good for business."

-- "DESTINY" & "THE SEIGE OF AR-558"

#35 "Peace is good for business."

-- "DESTINY"

#45 "Expand or die."

-- "ACQUISITION"

#47 "Don't trust a man wearing a better suit than your own."

-- "RIVALS"

#48 "The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife."

-- "RULES OF AQUISITION"

#57 "Good customers are as rare as latinum; treasure them."

-- "ARMAGEDDON GAME"

#59 "Free advice is seldom cheap."

-- "RULES OF AQUISITION"

#62 "The riskier the road, the greater the profit."

-- "RULES OF AQUISITION" & "LITTLE GREEN MEN" & "BUSINESS AS USUAL"

#74 "Knowledge equals profit."

-- "INSIDE MAN"

#75 "Home is where the heart is, but the stars are made of latinum."

-- "CIVIL DEFENSE"

#76 "Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies."

-- "THE HOMECOMING"

#94 "Females and finances don't mix."

-- "FERENGI LOVE SONGS" & "PROFIT AND LACE"

#95 "Expand or die."

-- "FALSE PROFITS"

#98 "Every man has his price."

-- "IN THE PALE MOONLIGHT"

#102 "Nature decays, but latinum lasts forever."

-- "THE JEM'HADAR"

#103 "Sleep can interfere with--" [interrupted]

-- "RULES OF AQUISITION"

#109 "Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack."

-- "RIVALS"

#111 "Treat people in your debt like family: exploit them."

-- "PAST TENSE, PART I" & "THE DARKNESS AND THE LIGHT"

#112 "Never have sex with the boss's sister."

-- "PLAYING GOD"

#125 "You can't make a deal if you're dead."

-- "THE SEIGE OF AR-558"

#139 "Wives serve, brothers inherit."

-- "NECESSARY EVIL"

#168 "Whisper your way to success."

-- "TREACHERY, FAITH AND THE GREAT RIVER"

#190 "Hear all, trust nothing."

-- "CALL TO ARMS"

#194 "It's always good business to know about new customers before they walk in your door."

-- "WHISPERS"

#203 "New customers are like razor-toothed gree worms; they can be succulent, but sometimes they bite back."

-- "LITTLE GREEN MEN"

#208 "Sometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer."

-- "FERENGI LOVE SONGS"

#211 "Employees are the rungs on the ladder of success. Don't hesitate to step on them."

-- "BAR ASSOCIATION"

#214 "Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach."

-- "THE MAQUIS, PART I"

#217 "You can't free a fish from water."

-- "PAST TENSE, PART I"

#223 [interrupted]

-- "PROFIT AND LOSS"

#229 "Latinum lasts longer than lust."

-- "FERENGI LOVE SONGS"

#239 "Never be afraid to mislabel a product."

-- "BODY PARTS"

#263 "Never allow doubt to tarnish your lust for latinum."

-- "BAR ASSOCIATION"

#285 "No good deed ever goes unpunished."

-- "THE COLLABORATOR" & "THE SOUND OF HER VOICE"

cover

Learn more about Ferengi culture with these books from Amazon.com:

The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition

The Legends of the Ferengi

cover


APOCRYPHA

"The Rules of Acquisition: Unabridged and fully annotated, with all 47 commentaries, all 900 major and minor judgments, all 10,000 considered opinions. There is a Rule for every conceivable situation."

-- "FALSE PROFITS"

[#286 "When Morn leaves, it's all over." ]

-- "THE HOUSE OF QUARK"
(#286 is not a Rule, but "it should be.")

[#299 "Whenever you exploit someone, it never hurts to thank them. (That way, it's easier to exploit them the next time.)" ]

-- "FALSE PROFITS"

The unwritten Rule: "When no appropriate Rule applies, make one up."

-- "FALSE PROFITS"

"When the messenger comes to appropriate your profits, kill the messenger."

-- "FALSE PROFITS"

"You can tell a great deal about a man from his shoes."

-- "FALSE PROFITS"

"Time's an asset."

-- "FALSE PROFITS"

"Exploitation begins at home."

-- "FALSE PROFITS"

"A good lie is easier to believe than the truth."

-- "SHATTERED"

"Nothing is more important than your health ... except for your money."

-- "ACQUISITION"

"A man is only worth the sum of his possessions."

-- "ACQUISITION"

cover

Learn more about Ferengi culture with these books from Amazon.com:

The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition

The Legends of the Ferengi

cover


Grand Nagus Zek's Revised
RULES OF ACQUISITION

from "PROPHET MOTIVE"


 
#1 "If they want their money back, give it to them."

#2 "Never --" [interrupted]

#3 "Keep --" [interrupted]

#4 "Profit --" [interrupted]

#5 "A --" [interrupted]

#6 "Good --" [interrupted]

#7 "Smile --" [interrupted]

#8 "Honesty --" [interrupted]

#10 "Greed is dead."

#21 "Never place profit before friendship."

#22 "Latinum tarnishes, but family is forever."

#23 "Money can never replace dignity."

#285 "A good deed is its own reward."

 
=/\=
E-mail questions or comments